life changes 7: meditiation

I’ve only been meditating regularly for a few weeks so, like most of my previous life changes posts, this one should definitely not be read by anyone expecting expert advice. This is about trying meditation. I thought it might be interesting to chronicle why I started, what has happened during that month as well as what I’ve learned, and some expectations I have for the future.

Meditation is one of those things I had wanted to try for a long time but never got around to. I had heard that meditating regularly could provide benefits such as improved health, emotional balance, relaxation, general life satisfaction etc. There have been times of high pressure and anxiety in the past where I wished I had something like this to turn to. Something to make life a bit easier to cope with and to provide greater equanimity with which to face difficult times; but for some reason I never bothered to follow up the wish with any actual action. In line with my recently-found open-mindedness and general drive to improve the way I’m living, I decided to try and find out something about it and go from there.

As usual, with things I know nothing about, I started by doing some research on the net. I looked at a lot of websites and read a bunch of stuff. Some of it was pretty new-agey, some of it mentioned God. Pretty-much anything like that has lost me from the start – that’s simply not a direction I’m heading in – but among the garbage were some good resources. Here’s two I found useful:

• Firstly, a simple two-page guide to meditating from a website called stopandbreathe.com. This guide is not aligned with any religion or philosophy. It simply sets out a particular approach on how to meditate. It’s easy to read, assumes you know nothing about starting to meditate, and sets out some directions anyone could follow.
• The second is a pdf from a site called zenguide.com, which seems to serve as something of a directory to zen groups worldwide, as well as a compendium of information about zen buddhism, books on zen etc. At 66 pages, this guide is significantly longer than the one above. It goes into great detail about some of the history, philosophy and practice of zen meditation (known as Zazen), but it’s readable, is written for beginners, and is quite interesting.

Zen sounded interesting though again, I knew pretty much nothing about it. In trying to discover more, I stumbled on this excellent introduction from the website of a Brisbane-based group called: Open Way Zen. Within this introduction I read the following:

it is important to understand what enlightenment means. Enlightenment is seeing clearly what is here, now – nothing more than that – without all the glosses or filters that our habitual mental processes usually bring.

To me this resonated strongly, as it sounds very much like moments of clarity I’ve experiencing while running. My interest was piqued and I wanted to explore the world of zen a bit further. As I mentioned earlier, a major roadblock presents itself to me with anything spiritual when God enters into it. This doesn’t happen in zen. In this respect, zen is not a religion in the way that, say Judaism, Christianity or Islam are religions. It might be more accurate to think of zen as a philosophy and guide to living.

The next logical step for my journey into zen was a book called “The Three Pillars of Zen: Teaching, Practice and Enlightenment” by Philip Kapleau. First published in 1965 and never out of print since, this book is considered a seminal work in bringing legitimate information about zen to western audiences in easy-to-digest form. It is pretty much recommended everywhere as the place to go for anyone wanting a first look at zen, so I picked up a copy and am reading as I write this. So far it’s really good. It presents instruction on zazen in a very detailed and, what appears to be, highly authentic way.

You certainly don’t need to get into zen to start practicing and experiencing the benefits of meditation. The catalyst for me was actually an app for my iPhone called The Mindfulness App. Mindfulness, I have found, is what results when you make awareness and attention a priority above all else for a short period of time. This is basically what happens in meditation, or at least what has been happening for me. It’s about saying: “For the next 15 minutes I’m going to focus on one simple thing and remain totally attentive to that one thing to the exclusion of all else for that period.” The focus of attention is usually one’s breathing, at least for beginners.

This app is quite nice. If you search the app store you’ll find a number of apps that all do similar things, but this one hasn’t disappointed me. The main part of it I’ve used is the guided meditations, which are just recordings of spoken instructions that help get you into a state of mindfulness, and keep you there for a given period of time. There are three, five, fifteen and thirty-minute versions. The idea is to start with short meditations and work your way up as you feel you want to. Obviously the quality of these guided meditations is dependent on the person that recorded them. In this case the guide is Catherine Polan Orzech; a teacher of stress-reduction at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia. In my view she’s done a good job. The recordings are very professionally made and work well.

So now I had some idea of how to meditate and a tool to help me do it. Where did I go next? How did I actually start doing it? Obviously the time and location you choose for your meditation is key. You need a time and place that is relatively peaceful, and one where you will not be disturbed half-way through. For me, living in a house with three busy females ranging from 11 to adult, this was not as easy as it might sound. I have meditated at home, but it’s proven difficult to arrange a regular time that works. In Kapleau’s book, the recommended times for meditation are first thing in the morning before breakfast, and/or last thing at night just before bed. So far these have been difficult for me.

The time that did work was lunchtime at work. I’m lucky enough to work a short walk from Brisbane River. That’s where I’d been having my lunch each day. Now I just started adding a 3-minute meditation to the start of my lunch ritual. Put the earphones on, closed my eyes and followed the guide. It’s a reasonably busy path alongside the river, and I must have looked a bit weird sitting there with my eyes closed, but I didn’t care and no-one ever intentionally disturbed me, and at least for the first couple of weeks I found the river a reasonably pleasant location. What eventually turned me off it was that after two weeks of meditating every day I had worked my way up to 15 minutes and for that duration, the noises of other pedestrians just became too distracting. By this time I’d really come to value the lunchtime sessions and didn’t want to end them, so I looked for a better location, and found one. I’m not going to divulge too much here because I want this sacred spot to remain as unknown and private as it currently is, but there does exist in Milton a magical place of tranquility and relative privacy that, for the past few weeks I’ve been very happily retreating to at lunchtimes to grab my 15 minutes of mindfulness.

The effect of meditation is not miraculous. I can not levitate and I am not about to walk on hot coals or had my third eye suddenly activated. But there’s no doubt it brings more calm to one’s life, and I suspect over time other benefits may become clear. Right now I have to say the great appeal of meditation lies not in it’s effects, but in the practice itself. Those 15 minute intervals have come to represent little oases of pure peace, and that’s addictive. The other tangible effect is the ability to use the breath as an anchor. I’m quoting here directly from Catherine Polan Orzech in the guided meditations. She suggests that the state of objectivity and peace achieved during meditation can be quickly re-entered in general day-to-day life by simply breathing intentionally, as you do in meditation. This acts as a sort of trigger which can be prevailed on when needed. I have used this a number of times recently, with growing frequency actually, because it works. The next step for me is probably to move into unguided meditation. In this, Kapleau’s book offers plenty of good advice that I’m probably close to putting into practice.

That’s about it – so far. I’ll report any further progress when it happens.

life changes 2: running (and prog rock)

Hi again. Just before I start this I need to mention the awesome powder pastel colours of the evening sky I rode home under this afternoon. One of those oil painting skies. We are so lucky. Today I’m going to continue with the story of my journey. To be perfectly honest I’m not completely convinced about the value of getting this down, except that the journey has been a uniquely positive one for me and maybe if someone else reads it It may provide some inspiration:

I found 2 big opportunities during my week for a longer run than the standard, 5-6 kilometer runs I was having at night round my neighborhood. One was Sunday mornings. I am lucky enough to live near some pastoral areas – and there is a road that runs through some of this land; Rafting Ground Road. I’d never actually gone all the way up it before – had never needed to in all the years I’ve lived here – but one Sunday morning while everyone else in the house was snoring I got up, put the iPod in my ears and went for a run up Rafting Ground Road. It turned out to be just the most beautiful run, past golden dawn fields with sparkling dew everywhere – you get the picture – actually I have a couple of photos taken on this run – I’ll post them. Anyway, it was about a 9 kilometer round run; the longest I’d done by that point. It was a challenge for me, but it was exhilarating, and the great thing about early Sunday mornings: you aren’t pushed for time. For me it didn’t matter if it took a long time. If I was doing more walking than jogging – I’d started. I knew I’d do it again, and over time my pace would improve (it did).

The one problem with the Rafting Ground Road run; I got a sore knee. I went to the pharmacy and picked up an elastic bandage and wore it for the next few times, and it did the trick. One morning I forgot it, but it didn’t matter. It had only taken a few of these runs to strengthen the muscles around the joint to the point where I no longer needed the bandage. And I’ve never needed it since.

Around the same time as I started the Sunday morning runs, I figured out another golden opportunity for a big regular run. Phoebe; my daughter; was doing Greek (language) lessons every Monday night from 7 ‘till 9 at South Brisbane. I figured instead of dropping her off, driving home, then turning round and picking her back up again, it would make more sense to just park there and go for a run. Beyond South Bank I didn’t have much idea about the river foreshore in Brisbane – but I thought I go exploring. What I found was just dazzling; The Brisbane river foreshore is a fantastic place to run – and heaps of people take advantage of it. There are really good, wide footpaths near the water, in most cases right next to the water, and of course enough bridges that it is easy to design a route that suits you. I started out doing the circuit from South Bank, to the Victoria Bridge and cross over, then along the city foreshore (under the freeway) to the Goodwill bridge, cross back over and finish up back at South Bank. It seemed like an ambitious run to me, but I fit it in well inside of 2 hours, so each week, or couple of weeks I started extending the circuit. First by crossing at the Kurilpa Bridge, and later by taking the big leap and going through the Botanic gardens and all the way up to the Story Bridge to cross back over, then along the base of the Kangaroo Point cliffs. Each time my distance increased I felt I was making progress. Eventually my circuit stretched all the way from The Story Bridge to The Go Between Bridge, and by going around the back of Kangaroo Point – along the little Boat Marina there, I was able to extend the run out to 14 kilometres. That’s the run I’ve been doing since late 2011, and when Phoebe decided to drop Greek classes earlier this year I decided to keep going with the river run. It’s become a high point of my week. Late last year, through work, I met a guy that runs in marathons and I talked to him about what I’ve been doing. I talked about how I run till I get tired, then switch to walking till I have my breath back, then run again – my reasoning had been that I could roughly chart my progress by the ratio of walking to running. This man said the main thing I should be working on is to extend the initial run as far as possible. So I switched strategies and started trying to just run for as far as I could. Like every other aspect of this journey, my progress astounded me. When I started I could run maybe 2 kilometres continuously. My most recent milestone is 11 kilometres.

A similar opportunity presented itself on Tuesday afternoons. My other daughter; Ally has basketball practice at Milton PCYC near where I work. Its a 90 minute practice – but they have a cardio room in the building, so I don’t have to waste my time. Every week I get on the treadmill and knock off another 9 kilometres. Now – I’m not an athletic person – don’t misunderstand – athletic people would be justifiably unimpressed by the distances and pace I manage. I get passed by a hell of a lot of runners every single time I go out there – but I’ve been going out there pretty regularly now (at least 3 times a week) for about 9 months, and it’s making a hell of a positive impact on my health – to my life and to the way I feel.

If you’ve read this far, I think you get the idea that I was becoming more and more serious about my running. As I was trying more roads in my area that I’d never tried before, I started developing the idea of finding the optimum evening run in my local area. Something about 8 kilometres that took me through as much parkland (with paths) as possible as opposed to roads. I took to studying Google Maps at work in my lunch break. I found what looked like a fantastic 3 kilometre long path through a park I had no idea even existed, only about 2 kilometres from my home, so I tried it, found it, ran it. It was fantastic. A dream come true. A big long park running behind a housing estate, that was really quiet and picturesque. That’s still my standard local run now, though I don’t need to do the local run much anymore because of my commute – but more about that later. My family got a little bit interested in how Dad was going out running at nights and I asked them to join me if they felt like it. If Ally or Phoebe join me my run pretty much becomes a walk – but that’s OK – it’s worth it to spend an hour or so just talking to them. The talks are almost always good ones. I’ve been able to find out things that are happening in their lives and discuss their ideas and issues at a length and depth that otherwise wouldn’t have been possible. There’s not a lot of situations where you and your child have each other’s undivided attention for an hour or so. It’s I think a great thing to add to a relationship if you can. I want to do more of it if possible.

I was hoping to get further with this post but again – they tend to get out of hand. I should just finish by mentioning Yes – the English prog-rock band of the 70’s (still going now – but just a pale shadow of their former glory). Like a billion other runners out there my essential bit of gear has been my mp3 player, and I have the usual assortment of songs I like to play while I’m running – but – sometime maybe around 6 months ago I got the idea of exploring the music of Yes. I’d been listening to some Pink Floyd at the time, enjoying some of their early, pre-Dark Side Of The Moon stuff, and reading about them online, finding out more about some of their early 70’s contemporaries such as King Crimson, Yes etc. It’s a period that interests me. An elusive time when I was alive but very young. A couple of times in my life I have come across some HARD CORE Yes fans, but whenever I listened, I would get turned off by the singer (Jon Anderson)’s high-pitched voice. Now, for some reason, I decided to give them another try. I downloaded one of their albums: “Fragile” and was intrigued. There were unconventional strange, changing time metres, incredibly musically-challenging pieces – some very long songs, sometimes with very long instrumental sections. I listened to this album while running and found a new thing happening – I was becoming immersed in the music to a level I hadn’t previously experienced. Some of the weird parts of the music that hadn’t previously made sense started clicking while I was on my run – really good stuff. I recall one night running through the Botanical Gardens listening to Yes and having the feeling that I must be the luckiest person on the planet at that point in time. Some joyous experiences. I got to know Fragile really well, and followed it up with – one by one – each of their albums from 1971 through to 1977. The high points for me are probably Fragile, the next one called Close to the Edge, and the one after that;Tales from Topographic Oceans. A lot of critics and listeners bag “Tales”, but I have got a lot out of it. Yes are a band where you really need to be patient with their records to start to understand them and discover the good things that are in them. Anyway, Yes have really been part of my journey over the past few months and I would have been remiss not to mention them. For several months I didn’t listen to anything else while I ran.

Well it’s getting late and as I mentioned I need to wrap this up. There’s more to the journey to tell. I’ll get back to it soon.